Failing

Failure is scary. I live a scary life because I am constantly afraid of failure. Most people are. But I don't think that people fear failure the way that I do. My fear of failure extends to the point where I am afraid to even try things out. Or I'm afraid that I'll be bad at things before I even try them.

I've been a freelancer for about two years now. Sometimes I think about getting back into having a regular job since it's more stable than freelancing is. But then I automatically just assume that no one would ever want to hire me. And even if I did end up getting hired, I'd probably just do a bad job at the job anyway. It's strange that I think these things. I'm afraid of being bad at something before I've even given it a shot. I'm practically basing my badness at thing on absolutely nothing. There is no proof that I would ever be bad at these things that I fear, but I fear them anyway.

Sometimes I even get scared of doing things that I already know that I am good at. I'm afraid that I'm suddenly just going to be bad. Or people are not going to like the work that I do. I don't know where this comes from. Maybe when I was younger I didn't get told enough how good I am at things?

I wish I didn't have this fear getting in the way of everything that I do. I can only imagine all the things that I could have accomplished in my life if I wasn't so afraid of everything. I could probably have a lot more money. I'd probably be more successful in my freelancing career too if I wasn't so afraid of failing at that too.

On a more positive note, I like this blog.